Wednesday, June 9, 2010

TV Induced Anxiety

I've begun to open up a lot more about anxiety and slight paranoia that I feel on a day to day basis. Both to myself and to my husband. I assume blogging about it might help, as well. For forever, I've been a very paranoid person. In almost every situation, I think of all the negative things that could happen. I've alway hated it, but I don't want to do anything about it. What if something bad did happen? Then, I wouldn't be prepared for it like I would be if I had already anticipated it. I used to sleep with baseball bats and scissors underneath my bed, along with a phone nearby, just in case someone broke in while I was asleep. I have to assume that at least a portion of this little vice of mine is genetic, but I know that environment tends to make it worse. I cannot watch scary movies. It's not that they scare me (I actually enjoy watching them and typically enjoy the story lines), but they put a major dent in my life for the weeks following watching them. It does get better, but it never really goes away.

Anyways, Jony got me into watching Dexter. I love the show. For the most part, it's therapeutic. A guy goes around killing all the bad guys; I like that. We just finished season 3 yesterday, and I've been struggling since then. It ends with Dexter's wife having been murdered. The haunting aspect is that their son was just sitting their crying in her blood. I already have such extreme fear of leaving Jeffrey alone, so it's been a struggle. Jony feels bad, as though it was his fault that I watched it. So, I'm clinging to my little man a little more lately. And I'm starting to open up more and more about how I feel in hopes that I can overcome it. At least a little bit.

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