Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Dark Days

Every time I come to write a post, I realize that it's just a boring age/week update. I've been so out of touch with my own feelings that it was impossible to even think about blogging them. I may or may not have mentioned this in passing, but my husband is currently working a project that takes him away Monday-Thursday every week. It's been about two months. I've been holding my head up and saying that it's all been okay, but it's a lie. If you do the math there, you may begin to realize why. It's pretty crappy timing to send your partner off for most of the week when you're in early pregnancy. So, he leaves, and life falls apart. I'm able to do enough for Jeffrey, but that takes most everything out of me. I can't do the dishes (gag), I can barely cook any food, and I sure as heck haven't been keeping up with the laundry/cleaning. It takes it's toll. Our house is disgusting, Jeffrey is watching way too much TV with not near enough mommy time, and I still feel like crap. Plus, guilty. It completely sucks. It really gives me a special heart for single moms, although the hardest part for me is knowing that Jony WOULD be doing it/helping, but he's not there. So, he can't. A friend told me tonight that "you don't realize exactly how much they do until they're not there to do it anymore." Such a true statement. I knew that he did a lot because he's the most amazing father there is. It really makes it more obvious, though. I remember how well he treated me while pregnant with Jeffrey- making me food, bringing me my vitamins, letting me sleep in and take naps all the time, doing all the cleaning, etc. I think that's why I was feeling better by this point already with him. Granted, he does all those things on the weekends, as well as cleaning up all the nasty left from the week AND spending every second with Jeffrey.

It's really hard to live your life waiting for the weekend and wishing the weeks away. After all, Jeffrey will never be this day old again. And, I missed it (obviously, I was here, but I didn't enjoy it). Thank goodness that Jony will be working remotely (from home) next week. Hopefully, it's what I need to get back on track.

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