Saturday, October 18, 2008

Too Much/Too Little

I'm finally done with my first AF post-NuvaRing. It wasn't horrible, though CD 1 was not my favorite day ever. The worst was 3 days of spotting-ugh. I am thankful that it was only spotting and not full on AF, but still. That's a bit ridiculous. I'm glad that's over, at least I hope it is. 

It's finally saturday. I'm glad this week has gone by as quickly as it has, but I fear the next four days are going to drag on. I've been trying to keep myself as entertained as possible to avoid thinking of what could happen with my colposcopy on tuesday, but I always seem to fail. I was stupid the other night and researched what "could be." The worst that could happen for me, since it's (providing there is an "it=cervical cancer") being found so early, it would be having my entire reproductive system removed. At least it's not life threatening! I was devestated, though. J keeps telling me to stop thinking that way, but I can't help it. I've always expected the worst and hoped for the best. I've always had this dark fear in the back of my mind that something would be wrong, and I would never be able to have children. Here's hoping I'm wrong!! 

I had this crazy dream the other night that my results came back, and I did have cancer. My doctor told me that I had no more than a year to have a baby before I'd have to have the surgery, giving us until January to get pregnant. My doctor then decided that our best option would be to just do invitro, so we scrambled around the rest of the day and went with it (of course, it happened to be the day I was Oing). We ended up pregnant with quintuplets! It was pretty exciting, I must say. I had a C-section, and they removed my reproductive system at the same time. Not the most ideal birth, but I was just excited that I got to have children! I've been feeling a little better since the dream, even though it was extremely far-fetched! 

I just need to get through today! I have stuff planned for the next 2 1/2!

-CD 7
-74 days until TTC!

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