Tuesday, July 13, 2010

My Mother...

My mother has formed me into the mother that I have become. There is no way that I would be the same mom to Jeffrey if I didn't have her as my guide. It wasn't until I held Jeffrey in my arms that I truly understood all that she did for me, and I'm still learning as he gets older. As I continue to make choices for my little boy for what would be the best for us and our family, I find myself looking back to my childhood to help me decide. Some of our biggest decisions have stemmed from my (as well as Jony's) mother.

My mother is the reason that I am a SAHM.
My mom didn't stay at home. Well, she did until I was three, but I don't remember that. I was a pretty sickly kid (poster child for ear infections), and she wanted some time off of work. From whenever I could remember, my mom was a working mom. The thing is, though, that she wasn't just a normal working mom. She was one of the highest ranked women in her department at an oil company. That meant that she worked all.the.time. I distinctly remember multiple times where I wouldn't see my mom for over a week. She'd leave at around 4am and wouldn't get back until around midnight sometimes. I hated it. She missed a lot of stuff, and I know that she hated it, too. I don't hold a grudge about it- she worked so hard to provide us a great life; that was something she did because of HER mother. And she did. I had everything that I needed and most of what I wanted (couldn't make me spoiled!). I always wished that I had a relationship with her back then, though, and it is because of that I am staying at home. Jony's mother was a SAHM, and he loved everything about it. The decision was an easy one for us.

My mother is the reason that I had a natural birth.
I am the youngest of four with an age gap of 21 years between me and my brother. The difference is typical birthing experiences is dramatic. My mom was emotionally scarred from her first two births. Although they were both pretty quick (my birth story was an exact parallel of my mother's first birth), she was put under as soon as she got to the hospital. So, she doesn't have any memories of them. She just woke up and they handed her a baby that was apparently hers. When it came time for my sister and my deliveries almost 10 years later (there are 8 years between us due to secondary infertility), she demanded that it would be different. She was one of the first women to have the dad in the birthing room and she refused any medication.  She adores her memories of birthing us, and she passed that ideal onto me. Although an epidural is no where even close to being put to sleep, I wanted a similar experience that she had with me.

My mother is the reason that I am breastfeeding.
Being a mom in the "formula era" was not easy for someone who was breastfeeding. It was common with my older sister and my brother, but, by the time I was born, it was looked down upon. She still did it with no regrets and was my biggest supporter when I said that I wanted to breastfeed. I can see the pride in her eyes whenever she talks about her breastfeeding experience, and it was an inspiration to me.

My mother is the reason that I am currently a mother.
I always wanted to be a mom. Never a doubt about that. However, one of the reasons that we started so early (in comparison to the societal norm nowadays) is because we have older parents. I never got to know my grandparents as three had already passed away before I was born and my last grandmother passed away in high school. I didn't want that for Jeffrey, and I knew that my mom would be an amazing grandmother. So, we planned to start soon, and we did. No regrets, as I would have missed seeing my little man's eyes light up when he sees his mee-maw.

I only hope (although it makes me nervous) that I can be as great an influence on my children as my mother was to me.

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