Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Becoming a Big Brother

It's been a rough few days around our house. Jeffrey has been very difficult. I imagine it's a lovely combination of staying with my parents overnight this past weekend (we all know that ends up, yes?), not getting as much attention from me since I'm large and exhausted, and our general schedule being all screwed up. No doubt- he feels lost. Knowing the reasons for it doesn't make it easier to deal with, though, and being so pregnant does not make me the most patient mama that ever was. It's especially hard since he's usually so calm and mellow. In fact, I'd venture to say that his "being difficult" is still pretty easy in comparison to other kids. So, I'm working on channeling through the exhaustion and discomfort and giving him the extra attention he deserves, as well as working to get us back to somewhat normal before we throw it all away again. These are his last few days/weeks as our only child, and I don't want them to be spent with him being dramatic and in trouble. For the first time this pregnancy, I'm feeling some guilt over being pregnant. Not guilt over having another baby, though, since I know things will be easier (although harder in some ways, for sure) in terms of what Jeffrey is craving. I'll be tired, but I won't be exhausted. I'll be able to play on the floor and push a dump truck around the house. I'll be able to come up with a fun activity instead of just turning on the TV since I can't make myself get off the couch (at least some of the time). I'll be able to play with him outside and on the playground without dying of heat (it's only 80 something right now- I'm such a wuss) and having to waddle after him.

I know that all of that is coming, but I'm still trying to enjoy these last moments of being pregnant with my 2nd child and fully take in these last moments with my first as my only. He is such an amazing kid who is so smart and caring, even if he does also have my wit and stubborn side! I'm trying to remember that this is a huge transition and adjustment for him, too, and he doesn't get to understand it nearly as well as Jony and I do. All of the talking we've been doing about his little brother coming really means nothing to him until he actually sees that boy come out of my belly. And then realizes that he's not leaving.

So, here's to hoping that these past few days have been a fluke and that we can start taking advantage of these last days together as a family of three!

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